Yes, I'm still alive.

I am down in the dumps, and have been neglecting all of my social duties while struggling to just stay afloat emotionally. I feel like a terrible friend. I only see the people that I have to interact with on a daily basis, but I haven't made any effort toward hanging out with friends, and I feel really guilty about it. I rarely return phonecalls, and hardly ever respond to emails. I recently made two new friends via email/blogger that I was really excited about. Well, I guess it wasn't recently; it was more like several months ago. But my grip on time is really tenuous. One day I just stopped writing back. I kept telling myself that I would do it tomorrow, but kept putting it off. Now I'm afraid that they think I stopped writing because I don't like them or because I'm mean. Neither of those is the case. But I'm afraid that no excuse or explanation will be acceptible. I also have a good friend who is a mother to two boys and lives 20 miles out of town. I have to go to her if I want to see her because she is so busy with her kids. It feels like such a chore to get myself out there that I haven't seen her since early summer. I wish I would pick up the phone and call her and apologize, but I feel too paralyzed to do it. Someday I will - I just hope it won't be too late. I hope my friends won't give up on me.